In Solitude...

I found a long-sought

soft self-comforting freedom

a heart-rousing understanding

governed not by the common reason

but by untamed emotions.

*

...early Sunday morning, driving on a deserted Southfield Freeway. the sun's rays are trying to break through the grey clouds' spell. Michigan in winter; beautiful and lonely.

BrainDamage

Salvador Dali- "Exploding Raphaelesque Head" 1951

Another day, another wasted day. Another rotten day has passed,  spent in this dark old  room, an abyss where not a sliver of light, have penetrated its four corners for ages -- the dominion of the damned, where sanity is slowly eroding inside the battered head.

In the Brain; where the never-ending labyrinth of gelatinous gyri and sulci, continues to boggle and rattle, the spirit of the demented mind.

Pitter patter-raindrops spatter-eat the matter-in the platter-
helpless tapper-leader-follower-naked in the shower-
nobody answers...

this never-ending childish prattle-

taxes the mind,  burns the soul,
castrates the emotions
and rips off the heart

Of everything.

In isolation, inside this padded room, the only place for lunatics- lost in space, locked in total darkness- a prisoner condemned into oblivion.

This smokey room; Where the stale air flew in circles, where the mind somersaults like the high-flyer in a circus. This smelly room; where the stench of urine is stronger than the odor of filth, where the nose forgets its sorry existence. This room where darkness rules is the only one that I have ever known.

"The Sandman lurks in the dark. Take this pill and you'll be all right," says the woman in white. The lady with the perpetual  smirk, the purveyor of dreams and what have you. 

Eni meni mini mo, take the pill and off we go!

Blue pill or red pill it does not really matter. The brain is bursting and the neurons exploding- Time stood still, warping my sense of being.

I am a traveler.  I am a gatherer. I am a pilgrim

I am home.

DotMatrix

I. look. inside.
You.
nothing. but. emptiness.

deafening. silence. in.
the vast. expanse.
of. a. barren. universe.

the speck. the dust. the sky.

a. dot. in. space.
a. moment. in. time.
a. sea. of. darkness.
a.  land. of. the. dead.

a. black. hole.

I. contemplate.
my. contempt.
of. everything. beautiful.




I. seek. to. destroy.
all.
the prettiest.
things.
your mind. can. think.
your eyes. can. see.
your hand. can. touch.
your heart. can. feel.

I. am. you.
you. are. me.
a. mirror. image.
a. friend. a. lover.
a. dream. a. nightmare.

inside. my. head.

Martin Luther King, Jr. - I Have a Dream

Amok

You

 blabbing, filthy 

mouth
Cursing

spewing trash
Stirring 

unwelcome emotions to show
Agitating 

the frailties of my conviction
 Too much

careless words that tax the weary mind

and test the limits of my patience

In my mind, the clock is ticking
In my head, darkness is consuming my being
My heart is raging, my nerves edgy and my senses foggy
Dark thoughts 

flying in circles as morbid pictures start to swirl

in nerve-wracking fashion

Clinging 

to the last straws of 

Sanity
trying to prevent the dams of self-control from bursting
But 

the current is too strong 

the murky waters rampaging
It is too late 

now, my friend
My mind has reached the end 

and 

the screws have finally snapped in my head.

Wa-pak!

#

photo credit: Finding Rest

street sweeper

bite the bullet, taste the blood

feel your heart, beating deep inside

count the pulse, shake off your fears

ignore the call, calm the nerves

check the sight, aim the gun

steady the finger, squeeze the trigger

sweep the floor, waste them all

tune out the cries, ignore the moans

you are the greatest of them all

*photo credit: Takati2012